this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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