so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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