went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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