By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
