Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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