God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
