I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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