4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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