If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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