id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
