Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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