ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize