just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
