fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
