well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
