but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
