I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
