You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think i have herpe
just one?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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