Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize