I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
