Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
