is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
