just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
