dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
