im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
