remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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