walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
