I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
