So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
