Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
