dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize