She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
