My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
