she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
