The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
