I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize