I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
