I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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