I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
