I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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