You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
