thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
