I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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