I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I need a burrito and a hug.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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