I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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