I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
cat food counts as protein by the way
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
