I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize