My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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