She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
