I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
