Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
