At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
