i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize