he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
