That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
