Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We got so high we made milksteak
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
