Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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