How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize