I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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