he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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