you guys were way drunker than both of me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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