ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Everything about him screamed your future.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
