i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
