I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
