Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize