this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
They are going to name an STD after you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize